riot or starve?

Its been months now.. I'm incredibly restless and obviously hungry. Today there was a riot. Everyone wants food. The government is being so stupid. If they can't support us with the bare minimum, then they shouldn't even be in charge. I know so many people that can actually do something about this crisis.

I feel like I need to get into those riots though, to get what I deserve. I work too hard and too long to not be getting anything at all. Those riots though, they're so dangerous. There was already 3 deaths just today. And my best friend got caught in the tear gas. He couldnt see where he was going and ran into a metal pole. Then he had a concussion and I don't know where he is now.

I dont want to die, I don't. I have to take care of my family, my children. Man, you should see the looks on their faces when they ask me, "Is it dinner time?" I can't even look at that face anymore. It feels like everytime I do, I feel like they're so dissapointed in me. They used to look at me like I was a hero, and now I don't even know. They're getting skinnier. It's so unhealthy and I'm worried they're going to starve to death.

Now I'm starting to think that I will go and sacrifice myself in a riot so that my children can live another day. Even if it means that I won't be with them.